Oh wow. This was bad. We’re talking hilariously, laughably, frustratingly BAD! But did I read it all the way through? Of course I did! My love affair with Carolyn Brown’s books is a paradoxical mystery that, frankly, I will never understand myself. Note: If you see me posting multiple reviews on Carolyn Brown books, I am NOT OKAY. Send help! I’m kidding on the last part..sort of.

Either way, as I mentioned in my review of The Family Journal (see the review below), I turn to Carolyn Brown’s books when I’m in a very bad, dark place. I’m still climbing my way out of the grief hole, but it’s a struggle, y’all. CeeCee Honeycutt, if you’re up there looking down, holla! I miss you, sweet girl!

As for the story, well, there isn’t much of one. It’s the battle of two Southern women (Aunt Leddie and Matilda) who hate each other with a burning, raging, fiery passion. There really aren’t enough adjectives to put their deep-seated rage into words. Just trust me on this one; they HATE each other. And here comes the super fun plot twist. Leddie’s sweet school teacher niece, Amelia, and Matilda’s gallant son (a secretive mega-rich real estate agent) are falling in love. Awwwww snap! So there you have it: A Romeo & Juliet love story plopped into a podunk Texas town with a whopping dose of drama and lemon pies.

Speaking of which, if I took a shot every time Aunt Leddie’s lemon pies were mentioned, I would be drunk as a skunk by page five! For reals, cool it with the pies already. I get it! They’re famous and delicious and a real party pleaser at the funeral dinners. Sheesh!

Then a few more subplots started to form, then fizzled out. Why? I’m guessing the author just got tired and wanted to skip to the part where they randomly go beach-combing in Florida. For a while there, I thought I’d get some fun dramarama with the diabolically evil Matilda (we’re talking Charles Manson meets Hitler evil) trying to take over all of Aunt Leddie’s town planning committees. But then, that all just evaporated into nothingness. I also thought I’d get to see Matilda go bankrupt by turning an old house into a vegan-friendly B&B. Nope, the sale didn’t happen, and we just moved on to the next meandering plot point.

As per usual with Carolyn Brown books, the reading experience was frustrating yet cathartic. No matter how much my mind wandered, I didn’t miss a beat. It’s like listening to a really long sleep story on my Headspace app…but with shrieking women. On second thought, don’t try that if you’re trying to fall asleep. Aunt Leddie and Matilda don’t hold any punches—and they’re even packing heat when they’re forced to square up with each other! Yeehaaaw!

I have so many questions, but one, in particular, is how could someone as stupid as Matilda’s son (sorry, his name escapes me) get so far in the real estate business? I get that Stockholm syndrome is a thing, but he just kept subjecting himself to his mother’s torture, time and time again. He even decided to swear off romantic relationships for the rest of his life because he wouldn’t want to subject innocent women to his mother’s wrath. Ummm….couldn’t you….oh, I don’t know…cut that B ***H out for good? This woman is the freaking devil incarnate! Cut the umbilical cord and move the F on!

I could go on and on about the absurdity of it all, but I’ll stop so I can go read my next Carolyn Brown disaster…I mean book! I’ve got “Miss Janie’s Girls” sitting on my bookshelf, and it ain’t gonna read itself! I know I make zero sense. I just can’t handle any other form of entertainment besides Hallmark movies (the really bad Christmas ones) and fluffy Southern Belle romance books.