Adult Paranormal

All posts in the Adult Paranormal category

Read this Not That! Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Vs Haunting Violet

Published June 3, 2017 by Chick-Lit Cafe

Read This!

This may very well be my most favorite YA paranormal novel.  Set amidst England’s lush and foggy countryside, this is the perfect atmospheric gothic romance for a blustery winter’s night. The mystery behind the drowned ghost girl kept me glued to the pages as Violet searched for clues in a stately English manor. Complete with masquerade balls, danger and romance, this book is everything I could ever ask for in a paranormal mystery. If you love Barbara Michaels (how could you not?), I highly recommend this one!

Not That!

You know that old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover?” Those are wise words, my friends! Please do not be fooled by this gorgeous cover depicting a gothic suspense thriller with a twinge of romance. The synapsis is just as misleading. After reading the dustcover, I was hooked. There’s a mansion filled with family secrets, a mysterious boy with paranormal powers and a spooky seaside town plagued by a diabolical force. What more could I ask for?

What I got was nearly 400 pages of Harlequin romance cheese filled with idiotic characters, inane dialogue and nauseating insta-love nonsense.

As for the plot, where was it? The only plot device—and I use that word loosely—is Violet’s unwavering attraction to a boy who likes to manipulate and ultimately kill people with his Jedi mind-tricks. She knows he’s a baaaad boy, but yet she can’t help but cuddle up with him every chance she gets. Here’s how the story goes. “I want to stab River in the heart for setting all those people on fire…..but then I melt when he gives me that crooked smile.”

Ugh! It’s no wonder why Violet lives a life of solitude in a mansion by the sea. Who would want to be her friend? Hey, I’ve been there, done that with a friend who chose to stay with a toxic man. At first you just want to shake them and force them to listen to reason. Then you eventually have to throw up your hands and walk away. That pretty much sums up my issue with Violet.

But to be honest—with or without the “glowing,”mind-bending boyfriend—she’s pretty darn lame. The author attempted to give her some depth by describing the many leather-bound books on her shelf. On paper, she’s quite the intellect, yet where does all that existential wisdom come into play when she’s faced with a moral dilemma? This is what I call lazy character development. Authors slap characters with a gimmick and—boom—you’ve got a multi-dimensional character. Read John Green’s “Paper Towns” and you’ll see what I mean.

Speaking of gimmicky characters, the most perplexing sidekick in this book is Sunshine. Essentially, she’s the provocative version of Kimmie Kibbler (Full House fans, you know who I’m talking about), who serves as Violet’s twin brother’s brainless sex toy. I was waiting for the author to peel back the layers and portray Sunshine as something more than a vacant-eyed nymphomaniac. Nope, not so much. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it seems like this character existed for the purpose of slut-shaming. She just seemed odd and out of place, but then again, so did everything else in this story.

In retrospect, I should’ve stopped at the very beginning when the book took a bizarre turn for the worst. Why would two underage kids be living on their own in a mansion by the sea? Wouldn’t social services be an issue? Then a girl goes missing and a bunch of kids brandishing wooden stakes go hunting for the devil in a graveyard. Huh?

So many questions, but yet I have no desire to seek answers in the following book. What I truly want to know is how this hunk of garbage got picked up by a respectable publisher. I know this is harsh, but I want to save you from wasting your time and money on this turkey. But if you’re into Bella Swann-type characters and insta-love romance, maybe it’s for you. We all have our guilty pleasures, so who am I to judge?

Let’s Take a Cruise Part II: All by Myself, Alone by Mary Higgins Clark

Published May 22, 2017 by Chick-Lit Cafe

Ahoy mates! Captain CeeCee grants you permission to step on board and check out our latest maritime conquest. This is the second book in our three-part series of mystery cruise thrillers.

Synapsis: A filthy rich old lady with a boatload of priceless jewels gets the axe on a luxurious cruise ship and everyone’s a suspect.

What worked: This book is what I call, “Cheetos for the brain.” So if your brain tunes out while listening to this on audio (like mine did several times), you won’t miss a thing. Seriously, that’s the only generous thing I can say about this mess.

What didn’t work: Oh pretty much everything. What happened, Mary Higgins Clark? You used to write the most alluring Lifetime Movie-esque tales of obsession, deceit and murder. I used to love your trademark cliffhanger chapter endings and you’re multifaceted characters with twisted backstories. It’s hard to even believe you are the mastermind behind this embarrassing piece of drivel.

Probably the worst aspect of the book is the revolving cast of characters.  The third-person narrative bounces around from one undeveloped character to the next, all of whom are annoying and uninteresting. Without a main character, who am I supposed to root for? I suppose the anchor characters are the lottery-winning middle-aged couple, Alvirah and Willy, but really they’re just background noise. Sure, Alvirah saves the day in the end, but at that point I wouldn’t have cared if they all walked the plank.

And then there’s the dialogue. Oh dear. I’m having a hard time believing that a seasoned mystery writer could string together such clunky, intermediate-reader level nonsense. Seriously, I’ve read better dialogue in The Babysitter’s Club.

Yeesh…this is turning out to be quite the roast. I hate to be such a buzzkill, but if I can prevent my fellow mystery lovers from wasting their time and money on this hunk of garbage, I’m doing a good public service! If you want to read a good mystery cruise thriller, check out Woman in Cabin 10.

Plum Pudding Murder: Hannah Swenson Book/Movie Comparison

Published December 10, 2016 by Chick-Lit Cafe

25387684I’m not going to mince words here. This book was BAD! Let me put it in perspective for you. The Hallmark move was better. A HALLMARK MOVIE, YO! That’s says it all right there. I don’t mean to disparage Hallmark Mysteries and Movies because it’s my go-go channel for all things brainless and fluffy. But when has a made-for-TV movie ever done a book justice?

So hats off to Hallmark for taking the world’s most boring cozy mystery series and turning it into something fun and whimsical. I’m impressed that anyone bothered to pick up movie rights for this stink-tastic books series. Where do I even begin with the book-movie comparison? I’ll break it down for you like this.

Five reasons why the Hallmark movie rules and the book drools:

    1. 1. Hannah Swenson (played by Alison Sweeny) is waaaay more interesting. In the book, I kept picturing a gray-haired, mousey woman knitting socks on her time off. Aside from baking, what else is there? At least in the movie, Hannah is played by a gorgeous ex-soap star with fabulous hair and a twinkling smile. Away from the bakery, she’s out jogging and going on hot dates with two super cute dudes. I would totes hang out with the movie-Hannah (mainly to swindle her out of free cookies). As for the book Hannah, I think I’d rather join my grandma on an agonizingly long trip to the commissary.

2. The love triangle is so much more fun. OK, so in the book there is a hint of a love triangle, but clearly it is going to move along at the speed of molasses. I’d have to suffer through at least five more books until it actually goes somewhere. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  Yes, Norman is safe and practical. It’s a no-brainier he’ll get dumped, which is VERY evident in the movie. However, in the book he and Hannah are the world’s most boring non-married couple. As for the movie, I love Hannah, but the woman needs to quit stringing these poor dudes along. Clearly she’s all about the cop bad-boy Mike, so let poor Norman go already! Personally, I would choose Norman in a heartbeat. He’s hot, he’s a dentist (ching ching $$$) and he’s clearly smitten with Hannah. If it were up to me, I’d pick the safe, good guy every time. I married an accountant. Need I say more?

3. The sister sucks in both versions, but she’s downright intolerable in the book. I’m not a fan of the fashionable, fast-talking, Type A sister. But at least the movie-version isn’t a helicopter mom…yet. I cannot deal with these control-freak soccer moms – in books and real life.

4. The plot moves soooooo much faster in the movie. I can’t believe that the murder didn’t happen until I slogged halfway into the book. HALFWAY, people! Here’s a fun analogy for you. You know that deflated feeling when you order something delicious at a restaurant and all you get is a few morsels atop a mountain of cheap French fries? Well that’s how I felt when the murder mystery was only sprinkled into this crapfest in small doses. At least in the movie, the dead body pops up right at the get-go and our intrepid sleuth sets forth on her crime-solving expedition.

5. In the movie, you get a sense of atmosphere and local color. The bickering elderly sisters are mainstays at Hannah’s adorable bakery and the local yokals drop in on a routine basis to gossip over a plate of delicious brownies. Plus there’s a lot of flirting going around between Hannah and her two boy-toys. Surprisingly, the movie does a better job painting the cozy small town scene and giving the viewers a sense of place. As for the book, it’s heavy on a lot of inane dialogue – and recipes galore. What good is a book without atmosphere? Especially a cozy mystery? I ask you.

So tell me, Hallmark movie fans, what do you think of the Hannah Swenson mystery movies? I’d love to know your book-movie comparisons!

The Countdown to CeeCee-o-Ween: Beewitched by Hannah Read

Published October 28, 2016 by Chick-Lit Cafe

untitledMy little busy bee is buzzing with excitement about all the spookalicious books we’re reading this Halloween! We’re covering the gamut in fall-themed mysteries and thrillers. Some are mildly spooky and others are downright terrifying! Heck, we’re even throwing in a few nostalgic family-friendly classics for the kiddos. Stay tuned for more as we count down the days to All Hallows Eve!

18210687In this next installment of our CeeCee-o-Ween countdown, we selected a fun little cozy mystery filled with bees, witchcraft and zany small town antics. Our amateur sleuth is a beekeeper and owner of a kitschy honey-goods store in a cute little Wisconsin village.

Like most cozy mysteries, the town is cut right out of a Norman Rockwell painting—but don’t be fooled! Evil lurks within this idyllic little hamlet. Witches are running amok and nobody is safe at the annual fall festival. Sure enough, a dead body is found in the corn maze and all signs point to the daughters of evil!

It’s up to our intrepid sleuth, Story, to team up with her wacky sidekick and nab the killer before evil strikes again. And as with most cozy mysteries, the podunk cops are asleep at the wheel. The hot crime-fighting boyfriend is constantly lecturing Story about putting herself in danger (an annoying and antiquated trope that needs to go away!). And, of course, there are a bazillion characters thrown into the mix, keeping me in a constant state of confusion. This is my biggest gripe with cozies. Maybe that’s why I never liked those aggravating jigsaw puzzles with ten thousand microscopic pieces. Tedious much?

Gripes aside, this is a quality mystery with well-developed characters and hilarious dialogue. Story is great, but I have a feeling readers keep coming back for more of her sidekick’s zany hijinks.  Though I would’ve like more scenes of the fall festival (seriously, Story, stop and take a break for a moment!), this is a quality read for anyone who enjoys a good, puzzling mystery!

Countdown to CeeCee-o-Ween! Locke and Key by Joe Hill

Published October 23, 2016 by Chick-Lit Cafe

14729399_971074896354644_489282906771431935_nCeeCee and I aren’t big into comic books or superheroes, so finding a book to go with her Wonder Woofer costume was kind of a stretch. I did some digging into my dark and twisted reading list and discovered the most horrifically perfect comic book to feature in the second installment of my CeeCee-O-Ween series!

joehilllockekeyAudiobook lovers, eat your heart out! The highly produced, dramatized audio version of Joe Hill’s Locke and Key is far and away the best book on tape in the history of all time. For reals, yo! This audiobook is legit. There’s musical interludes, sound effects and quality performances by multiple B-list actors. It was like watching a movie–only better because I could use my own imagination!

As for the story, it is–in true Joe Hill fashion–waaaaaay out there. If you’ve read Horns, you know what I’m talking about. It revolves around this grieving, dysfunctional family that moved out to a haunted mansion after the father was slashed to death by a crazed teenager. Located in an East Coast hamlet called Lovecraft (a nice little nod to the most disturbed horror writer of all time), the house of horrors is saturated with a host of malevolent spirits. One spirit in particular is hell-bent on destroying the family–and everything in its wake–to get a hold of some magical keys that will unlock the ultimate Pandora’s Box.

The book starts out like a traditional gothic horror novel, but once the kids embark on their scavenger hunt throughout the dark corridors of Locke house, it morphs into a fantasy thrillride. There’s astral-projecting, evil-infested caves, and even some creeptastic elements of The Monkey’s Paw thrown into the mix.

If you’re a fan of fantasy/horror, you’re in for a treat. This is one audiobook I’ll be “reading” again and again and again!

The 10 Nights of CeeCee-O-Ween: The Secret of Sleepy Hollow

Published October 21, 2016 by Chick-Lit Cafe

14192733_930556600406474_3950721415268577724_nAs we count down the final days to CeeCee-O-Ween, I bring you a spooky book review paired with the world’s most adorable dog in her costume du jour! Tonight we bring you a review of a not-so-scary book based on Washington Irving’s seminal masterpiece, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

27187153Wow – so many five-star reviews! My fellow GoodReads reviewers did a great job suckering me into downloading this book. Sadly I was sorely disappointed. I typically give a book 100 pages until chucking it into the DNF pile, but it just got too painful. Hmm…how should I say this without sounding insensitive to the LGBTQ community? Okay, so I should start by saying that I found the lesbian love story to be a nice switch from the norm, and I’m a registered ALLIE to this wonderful community.  See, I’m not so bad, right? However, I’m a Legend of Sleepy Hollow purist, so there’s only so much I can take when authors butcher the legend into an oblivion. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t digging the whole “girl power” slant. I had to call it quits when the protagonist came up with the theory that the headless horseman was a cross-dresser caught in a lovers tryst. #ICANT!

Why can’t all these Sleepy Hollow reprisals give a nod to the original tale’s societal admonition? Why does it have to be all about romance? Why can’t Ichabod be an awkward, lanky dweeb vying for the Van Tassel fortune? Why can’t these stories have more to do with greed and social climbing rather than the typical bodice ripper crap? CHEESE AND CRACKERS! Do I need to write the dang book myself? Maybe I will – dangit!

So I’d be a total jerk if I didn’t say one nice thing about the book, right? To be fair, the author has a knack for atmosphere. But (yep, there’s a but) just when things started to get a little spooky, the protagonist would start obsessing over her crush and I was back in junior high all over again. The constant butterflies, goosebumps and cheap thrills got tiresome every time she came into eye-shot with her lover. Geeze—it reminded me of the torture I endured when my childhood BFFs would crush over their favorite New Kid on the Block. Personally, I’m a Joey girl, but that’s besides the point.

Anyhoo, if you’re looking for a heck of a Headless Horesman thrill ride, read the original–and then re-read it! And when you’re done with that, check out Richard Gleave’s Jason Crane series – it’s awesome!!! My rave reviews can be found here.

Gizzy’s and CeeCee’s Tales for a Dark and Stormy Night

Published September 18, 2016 by Chick-Lit Cafe

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Halloween is almost here!!! In just a couple of weeks, I’m busting out all my glowing jack-o-lanterns, dangling demonic clowns and pet costumes for a Halloween Extravaganza 2016! In the meantime, the critters and I are getting into the spirit with these spooky reads. From campy horror movie fun to kid-friendly ghost hunts to encounters with the second kind, CeeCee and Gizzy picked out a diverse array of books that appeal to just about anyone. Readers beware, you’re in for a scare!

For Campy Horror Movie Buffs

Summer of Night by Dan Simmons (audiobook)

9897624Pros: This is a fun summer read for fans of Goonies, Stand by Me, and It. The author took his time with the setting and really lured me into the sleepy Midwestern town where kids filled thieir long summer days playing pickup baseball, riding around town on bikes and poking around in forbidden places. I also really enjoy a good campy horror movie setting, which this book delivers in spades. There’s a lot of creepy stuff happening to these kids. There’s reanimated corpses, a demonic truck driver, gun-toting bullies and the Mount Everest of haunted schools! A word to the wise: Read this with the lights on.

Cons: This 500+ book is waaaaaay longer than it needs to be. There were so many scenes that didn’t apply to the mystery of the haunted school. I get that the author really wanted to transport his readers back into his boyhood days in the 1960s, however the meticulous details really bogged down the story. Listening to this book on audio is on par with watching a movie in slow motion. My mind kept wandering off, and I had to rewind the darn thing over and over again. Not willing to give up without a fight, I trudged onward and finished this thing in a couple of weeks.

For Gothic Ghost Story Lovers

The Tale of Halcyon Crane by Wendy Webb

6715880Pros: This is the most perfect story to sink yourself into on a rainy day. Wendy Webb is a master at setting up the scene for a good ol’ fashioned ghost story. Essentially she is the American version of Susan Hill. I just love how she writes–and that she chose to set this story in a town modeled after Mackinac Island! It was so easy to sink myself into the deliciously spooky small island setting filled with mystery and lore. How cool would it be to inherit a haunted mansion on a hill overlooking a foggy coastline?!? If you’re a fan of not-so-scary ghost stories filled with romance and mystery, this one’s for you.

Cons: This book will not appeal to those who are looking for visceral thrills. It’s a very watered down ghost story that’s heavy on atmosphere and romance. Essentially it’s something you’d see on the Lifetime Channel, only SO much better because you can use your imagination with the setting and the characters aren’t washed-up actors from Full House. Going into this book, I was already aware that it would be more of a romance with a twinge of mystery. But if you’re expecting something more, you’re going to be disappointed.

For Nancy Drew Fans

The Ghosts of Tupelo Landing by Sheila Turnage

18079557Pros: This is YA storytelling at its finest! Where do I begin with all the pros? The small Southern town setting, the loveable characters, the tightly-plotted mystery–everything about this book makes me happy. I loved immersing myself into the sleepy little town of Tupelo Landing, where people are enjoying life at a much slower pace than us city folk. I also enjoyed the mystery of the ghost a the old inn, and the ongoing mystery of Mo’s “upstream mother.” This is a fun, non-scary ghost story mixed with a good ol’ fashioned Nancy Drew mystery.

Cons: My only gripe–and it’s a very small annoyance–is that Mo is just a little too precocious. It takes decades for us mere mortals to interpret the world the way she does. Also, she’s teetering on the brink of becoming too obnoxious. I appreciate that she has a lot of moxy, yet she’s a little too in-your-face for her own good. She needs to tone it down in the next book.

For Twilight Zone Fans

The Grand Hotel by Scott Kenemore (audiobook)

20344711Pros: I enjoyed the spooky haunted hotel setting, and the author did a fine job painting a foreboding atmosphere as the tourists roamed from room to room. They’re led by a diabolical tour guide with a hidden agenda. It’s up to the reader to figure out his end game–and how it all unfolds at the end of the tour. The big plot twist and the fantastic, Tim Curry-esque narrator almost made up for the long hours of tedious storytelling.

Cons: I was expecting some gothic ghost stories, but these tales were more on par with the bizarre sci-fi stuff you’d see in an old-school Twilight Zone episode. And to be honest, I’m not a big fan of the authors writing style. The stories got muddled in the superfluous details, causing my mind to wander off into my never-ending to-do lists. Needless to say, this was not my cup of tea, but it could possibly appeal to Twilight Zone fans.