Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

As many of you know, self-help books are hit or miss. Don’t even get me started on the positive psychology BS that involves “the universe” and victim-blaming psychobabble. Louse Hay, I’m talking to you! So I was a little skeptical when a friend recommended this book to help me sort out my misanthropic views on life.

Just one chapter into it and I was completely enraptured! This book sang to my soul in so many ways and I encourage everyone to read it—even those who aren’t on the cusp of leaving civilization to live in an igloo.

I don’t even know where to begin with this review because Brene Brown was dropping wisdom like bullets from a fighter jet! Perhaps I shall break it down into quotes.

Essentially, the wilderness is one’s true self. For many of us, this wild, untamed forest remains unexplored and, perhaps in some cases, roped off. This is the place where truth and integrity lie. But to fit in, or to climb ahead while kicking down, people become disconnected from their inner core and lose touch with their purpose in life. It takes a lot of practice and courage to tap into this realm of consciousness when we feel like something’s off. And when we do, we run the risk of being ostracized. It’s a rather esoteric concept, but I think I get it.

“Belonging so fully to yourself that you’re willing to stand alone is a wilderness — an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. The wilderness can often feel unholy because we can’t control it, or what people think about our choice of whether to venture into that vastness or not. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it’s the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.”

THIS RIGHT HERE IS EVERYTHING! Sorry, I don’t mean to scream, but this passage is so on point with what I’m observing in the animal rescue “industry.” I’ll just leave it at that to spare you from a long soapbox tirade.

“When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system or who are served by that system, you can be certain that the shame is systemic, the money is driving ethics, and the accountability is all but dead.”

I especially appreciated her thoughts on those who find solace in self-segregating echo chambers, where anger gets amplified and opposing voices are silenced. I found myself nodding profusely throughout this entire chapter because it perfectly illustrates what’s driving our highly polarized society.

“We confuse belonging with fitting in, but the truth is that belonging is just in our heart, and when we belong to ourselves and believe in ourselves above all else, we belong everywhere and nowhere.”

As for the haters, I have a new outlook on why they spew their venom in such terrible ways. Of course, we all have to deal with these miserable people, but it’s good to be aware of what’s lying underneath their slimy reptilian scales. Oops, that was a rather dehumanizing turn of phrase, but hey I’m a work in progress. This passage really helped me understand my bullies, thus reminding me to never sink to their level.

“Dehumanizing and holding people accountable are mutually exclusive. Humiliation and dehumanizing are not accountability or social justice tools, they’re emotional off-loading at best, emotional self-indulgence at worst. And if our faith asks us to find the face of God in everyone we meet, that should include the politicians, media, and strangers on Twitter with whom we most violently disagree. When we desecrate their divinity, we desecrate our own, and we betray our faith.”

Toward the end of the book, the author brought me to tears when she shared some anecdotes about people coming together in times of grief and happiness. I really choked up—in a good way—when she recounted a movie theater experience when all the Harry Potter fans raised their wands to the sky. Why? Because they believe in the light.

“Not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation. I have started to believe that crying with strangers in person could save the world.”

Self-help for when things go terribly, horribly wrong

Hey, how’s it going? The reason I ask is that I know a lot of my fellow Americans are feeling pretty downtrodden now that their worst fears have been realized. The news keeps stoking the fire, reminding us of the catastrophic events that are sure to come now that a villain and a slew of goons are running our country.

These days, self-care is of utmost importance–and I’m not talking about a day at the spa (though that does sound quite nice). I’m talking about consciously taking care of your state of mind, your balance, your chi. I know that Facebook feed is calling your name. All those memes and horrrifying headlines are beckoning your time and attention. Don’t give in. Unplug, step away from your news app, detach yourself from the grim reality that is the Trumpacolypse…at least for a little while.

13793210I’m not saying you should stick your head in the sand and be blissfully uninformed for the next four years. Just be kind to yourself and lay down some boundaries. Consider time-blocking. This simple yet ingenious strategy got me through college. Here’s a fun piece of advice from It Takes an Egg Timer: Only visit the time vampire that is social media for 20 minutes, four times a day. It sounds impossible, but trust me, that’s more than enough time…maybe a little too much.

j-pdlxmld7wcAnother useful book for those of us who are already imagining World War III is Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong. I picked this up during a cancer scare (false alarm, thank God) and it really put my mind at ease. Lots of great techniques for tampering that insatiable beast called anxiety. If you’re unable to step away from the train wreck that’s unfolding on TV screens and news feeds, please do yourself a favor and download this book. If you’re not a reader, maybe practice some guided meditation and deep-breathing exercises. Or–and here’s the best advice–start becoming a reader! Books are my sanctuary from the storm. Even on my worst days, my soul gets restored when I step into Barnes & Noble and peruse all the many adventures atop the shelves. If I can’t talk you into reading, there’s always yoga, if you’re into that kind of thing. Hell, I might even give it a try–but I draw the line a kale smoothies and power cleanses! Let’s not get crazy now.

41g91rygxfl-_sy344_bo1204203200_The topic of yoga is the perfect segway for my next recommendation: Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness. I don’t know about y’all, but isn’t it a little disconcerting that everywhere we look, people are completely glued to a five-inch screen. Whatever happened to daydreaming? Flipping through trashy gossip rags at the checkout aisle? Waiting 20 seconds at the elevator without a digital distraction? I’m not big on cell phones, but I could use some help in the mindfulness department, mainly to put a stop to that dang hamster wheel of gloom and doom in my head.  When I started pouring creamer into my tumbler instead of coffee–and wearing my clothes inside out–I realized that it’s time to find my balance again.

331879My best piece of advice: Get silly. That’s right – I’m talking about channeling your inner 10-year-old and doing things that make people laugh (mostly at you, not with you). Meditation is all well and good for experienced zen-masters, but my go-to strategy is silliness. I found some great pointers from this random book that I picked up at a work retreat. The author gave a fabulous tutorial on “making magic out of the mundane.” For instance, when a co-worker pisses her off, she Xeroxes that person’s photo until it shrinks into an oblivion. Then she takes delight in shredding the paper and watching it turn into pulp. Oh how I love her! And when she’s having a bad day, she goes out in public in her best formal dress and happily accepts every compliment that comes her way. While watching her speak, I noticed a lot of my surly co-workers were smirking and muttering sarcastic comments. If she heard their mutterings, I doubt she’d care. Neither do I for that matter because I fully embrace pure zaniness, like singing badly in the shower–or drunken Karaoke!–and dancing like a fool while walking the dogs (something I do on a nightly basis). Trust me, it really works!

170548And, of course, I must recommend my No. 1 go-to self-help book: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all Small Stuff. Broken into little vignettes, this book is great for those of us who only have time to read small chunks at a time. I keep a copy by desk for those things when it seems like I just can’ t get anything right! I have a tendency to lump all my problems into one big, ugly blob that hangs over my head all day long. I have to remind myself that in the broad scheme of things, IT’S NO BIG DEAL! I think it’s funny when critics say this book is too simple. They don’t realize that the genius of the book is its simplicity.

Whether you’re in a post-election fog, or just need some help finding your balance, I highly recommend visiting the self-help aisle. Yes, most of these books have a lot of useless filler, and some of the pointers are just common sense–but I’ve found some truly great nuggets of wisdom that come in handy when times get tough. Got a self-help book recommendation?  Post a comment and tell me all about it!